I’m not going to sugar coat it, chronic pain is a spontaneous combustion of my five senses. I keep a safe distance between myself, and others; touch is numbing, and lonely. Plus, in the moments of calm it is assumed that somehow miraculously I’ve been healed. And, then the storm comes…All that I see is red.
I can’t see more then three feet ahead of me. I just need this pain to stop! It is killing me. Even, Jesus himself got a furlough from his pain. When you don’t know what the future holds. When you can no longer see yourself in it. This is when Justice and Life hold a difference of opinion.
I’m done listening to those who use their words for self soothing. Here, I’ll give you a pacifier…suck on this; electric shock, stabbing, aching pains, mental anguish that run through me for miles on end. Could you keep up, would you want to keep up, and carry this torch of unnecessary suffering for me. I think not, so I’m done…I can’t hear you.
I used to have a taste for the finer things in life. Now, those finer things are not so fine. Pain that is chronic, and unyielding has a strict way of placing a desired morbidity on the tip of ones tongue. The food that I eat has no taste to me. I eat, because that’s what living people do. But, I’m almost dead, because that’s what living with chronic pain does, it consumes you.